so i took a beer oil bath
i am so soft
and i smell so good
i wish the internet had things i could put scents on
and a way for you to feel my skin
I want a dyke for president. I want a person with AIDS for president and I want a fag for vice president and I want someone with no health insurance and I want someone who grew up in a place where the earth is so saturated with toxic waste that they didn’t have a choice about getting leukemia.
I want a president that had an abortion at sixteen and I want a candidate who isn’t the lesser of two evils and I want a president who lost their last lover to AIDS, who still sees that in their eyes every time they lay down to rest, who held their lover in their arms and knew they were dying.
I want a president who has stood on line at the clinic, at the DMV, at the welfare office and has been unemployed and laid off and sexually harassed and gay-bashed and deported. I want someone who has spent the night in the tombs and had a cross burned on their lawn and survived rape.
I want someone who has been in love and been hurt, who respects sex, who has made mistakes and learned from them. I want a black woman for president. I want someone with bad teeth and an attitude, someone who has eaten that nasty hospital food, someone who cross-dresses and has done drugs and been in therapy.
I want someone who has committed civil disobedience. And I want to know why this isn’t possible. I want to know why we started learning somewhere down the line that a president is always a clown: always a john and never a hooker. Always a boss and never a worker, always a liar, always a thief and never caught.
i have a very important decision to make
do i stay in japan longer, or do i go home to my boyfriend to start our lives?
i love my job here. i love my life here. i LOVE living here.
but i also really, really like my boyfriend. but i don’t want to live in ohio, or even america. my boyfriend wants to be in columbus. i don’t know if i can stay in columbus for the amount of time he wants to be there.
i don’t know what to do.
eventually i want to go to germany, and then maybe sweden, or austria, or i don’t even know, but then i think about the fact that that means i couldn’t be doing it with him, and it makes me feel so sad, and so confused. like, is this really what i want? do i really want to be around the world? or do i want to move back to cbus and in with him, which i know will lead to settling down.
i don’t even know what i want. now, then, eventually, i don’t even know.
WHY CAN’T I KNOW WHAT WILL MAKE ME HAPPY.